dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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