So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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