i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
