what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
