I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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