the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ttyl tear gas
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
