Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
