a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
