Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
