I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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