Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
