cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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