every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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