wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
