Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
