ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
