Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
