My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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