me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
