i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
