I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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