In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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