Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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