Duck Duck Cougar?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.