I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow