I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??