Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes