if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it