I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
