hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
