before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
