WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
