Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
