Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
