In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
