Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
