my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
