Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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