He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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