I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
