Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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