I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
