so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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