I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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