Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
