Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
