I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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