see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
