looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
