yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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