it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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