The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
