3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
