best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
