So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize