He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
