And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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