just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
