Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
