just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want her autograph on my taint
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
