she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
