Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
