I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
