dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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