I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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