Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
