Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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