Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
