Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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