She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
