I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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