girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You may now shotgun with the bride
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
