Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
