jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
