Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize