I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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