shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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