I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Found the puke drawer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
