I don't usually arrange sex via text message
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
