We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
