I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
