You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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