A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
